A Thousand Thoughts

Tang Xu did not move out, so the appearance of the house has not changed.

 

Tang Cuo, who was standing by the doorway, was taken aback.
He looked around at the familiar layout of the house, which was neither neat nor messy.
He paused for a moment.

 

It looked the same eight years ago.
Of course, he was more crowded back then than he is now.
He turned his eyes to look inside, and his fingers tugged at the edges of his clothes.
He wouldn’t dare to put his feet on the floor.
He’d never seen a house like this or a wooden floor before.

 

The little Tang Cuo had been standing at the door and didn’t dare to move.
At that time, Tang Xu picked him up and smiled, “What are you afraid of? This will be your home from now on.”

 

Tang Cuo’s thoughts were interrupted by a soft noise.
On the floor was a pair of slippers.
They were open-toed cotton slippers.
They seemed to be from a minimalist brand.

 

“They are new; no one has worn them.” Tang Xu said, raising his chin slightly.

 

Tang Cuo lowered his head and silently changed his shoes into slippers.
They were extremely comfortable.

 

He walked into the room and glanced around briefly.
The few notable changes were easily noticed by him.

 

The fish tank is now empty because there are no more fish in it.
The curtains had been replaced with new ones.
They used to be aqua blue, but they’ve been replaced with dull blue and black.

 

He was stunned for a moment.
He just stared at the curtain.
It looks much better than the previous one; it’s much more upscale and suitable for Tang Xu.

 

He chose the fish tank and fish, as well as the aqua-blue curtains.

 

Tang Xu noticed his gaze.
He pondered for two seconds before speaking, “I didn’t buy any more after the fish in the fish tank died, and the previous curtains were covered in a lot of paint by my nephew and couldn’t be washed off, so I replaced them with new ones… …It’s kind of ugly, not as good-looking as the one you chose.”

 

Tang Cuo turned his head and looked at the person not far away after hearing what he said.
He replied flatly, “Oh.”

 

Even to this day, Tang Xu would still do his best to maintain his pitiful self-esteem.

 

Tang Cuo sat on the sofa, still thinking about it.
Tang Xu didn’t have to explain anything to him.
If it’s gone, it’s gone; if it’s changed, it’s changed.
This is Tany Xu’s house.

 

“What would you like to drink?” Tang Xu asked as he turned on the TV.

 

“Milk tea.”

 

Tang Xu raised his eyebrows and tossed the remote control to him.
He nodded and walked to the kitchen.

 

After a while, Tang Cuo heard two beeps and assumed it was the sound of the induction cooker turning on.

 

Tang Xu came out five minutes later with a glass of milk and placed it in front of him, saying, “Milk tea, drink it.”

 

The TV was tuned to a variety show, and the people on it were laughing exaggeratedly because of a joke.

 

Tang Cuo looked down at the white glass of milk, then up at Tang Xu and said, “There is no tea.”

 

“Well, there’s no tea.” Tang Xu patted his head and pulled at the corner of his mouth.
“Are you still going to sleep after drinking milk tea at night?”

 

Tang Cuo didn’t say anything.
After a few more TV shows, he slowly picked up his cup and took a sip.

 

The warm milk probably had just flowed into his stomach when Tang Cuo heard Tang Xu, who was squatting in front of the TV cabinet, say, “I still have some tea; I’ll make you milk tea tomorrow.”

 

Tang Cuo loved milk tea as a child, especially caramel milk tea, when he lived with Tang Xu.
Tang Cuo fell in love with its sweet and fragrant flavour the first time he drank it.
However, Tang Xu didn’t like the milk tea sold outside.
At first he would buy it for him to drink, but later on he felt that it was unreliable if he didn’t know the things outside, and Tang Cuo always wanted to drink it.
So he asked his friends how to make caramel milk tea.
He found a solution after burning out two small pots.
He often makes a cup to satisfy Tang Cuo’s cravings.

 

Whenever Tang Xu brought a cup of freshly made milk tea to Tang Cuo, he would squint his eyes and hold the cup to his lips.
He’d grin after a sip.
“Tang Xu, you make the best drink!”

 

Tang Xu would pat him on the forehead lightly and say.”Call me brother.”

 

Tang Cuo called him brother, and he continued to drink milk tea like a kitten.
He looked very adorable.

 

Tang Cuo thought of the past, so did Tang Xu.

 

He asked Tang Cuo, “You’ve grown up; do you still like drinking milk tea so much?”

 

The milk glass shook, almost spilling two drops.
Tang Cuo was dressed in light-coloured pants today.
At such a tense moment, he thought casually, but luckily it didn’t spill.
Then, against his will, he gave a “um” and said, “I like it.”

 

It was obviously Tang Xu who said he wanted to chat with him, but now he hasn’t said anything.
The two of them were sitting on the sofa and watching TV, only one person away from each other.

 

Until Tang Cuo finished his glass of milk and the TV series ended with an episode, Tang Xu still had no intention of opening his mouth.
Tang Cuo couldn’t help but clear his throat slightly and ask, “Don’t you want to chat?”

 

Only then did Tang Xu lazily turn his head and ask, “Did you finish drinking?”

 

Tang Cuo nodded.

 

Tang Xu put his hands on his knees, got up, and walked to the bathroom, saying, “Clean up and go to bed after drinking; it’s late.
It’s late, so clean up and go to bed after drinking.
I’ll find you something to wash up with.”

 

Tang Cuo was baffled; he had spent his whole way here mentally preparing for the “chat” tonight.
However, Tang Xu didn’t seem to want to chat.

 

He got up and followed after him.
He stood at the door of the bathroom, held the door frame, and asked, “Are you not chatting anymore?”

 

Tang Xu looked back into his eyes and said, “What, do you want to chat? I just want you to get here so you can go to bed early.
Although it is too late.” He said as he raised his hand, stretched out a finger, and pointed under Tang Cuo’s eyes, “Look at you.
What do you look like at such a young age.”

 

Tang Cuo froze as Tang Xu’s fingers touched his face, staring blankly at the person’s close hand.

 

The yellowish light in the bathroom made Tang Xu appear less angular and more soft.

 

Tang Xu turned around, raised his hand, and took out a yellow towel from the shelf of the cupboard.
“I really want to talk to you, but let’s try another day; it’s already half past eleven.”

 

Tang Cuo didn’t move.
Even after Tang Xu had prepared everything for him, he was still blocking the door.

 

“What do you want to say?”

 

What do you want to say?

 

Tang Cuo only felt in his heart that these four words drew out ten thousand sentences and ten thousand questions in an instant.

 

I want to say if you have ever gone back to see me.

 

I want to say why don’t you go back and see me.

 

I want to say I’ve always wanted to see you again.

 

I want to say I dare not see you again.

 

I want to say that I really knew that I was wrong at the beginning.

 

…

 

But he couldn’t and shouldn’t ask any of them.
Because he was afraid that if he asked any question or said any word, he would lose his ability to hold his heart.
He had worked so hard for so long to get back to his side.
He didn’t want to take risks or ask these meaningless questions.

 

Tang Cuo noticed his palms were covered in fine sweat when his hand moved on the door frame.

 

He just shook his head in the end and said, “I just feel that you haven’t changed much in all these years.”

 

Tang Xu laughed after hearing this, asking, “How else can I change? I won’t grow any longer.
You have changed a lot.”

 

Tang Cuo later quietly brushed his teeth in the bathroom by himself.
The children’s toothbrush has been replaced by an adult’s.
It is also green, but there is no small frog.
It is estimated that Tang Xu bought a box of two or three toothbrushes because the one in his hand matches the blue toothbrush in the cup next to him.

 

Thinking of this, his mood suddenly improved a lot.

 

Tang Cuo went for another shower after brushing his teeth.
He slowly changed into the pyjamas that Tang Xu had found for him after taking a shower.
He stood in the bathroom for a moment, staring at himself in the mirror.

 

“Guest room…” Tang Xu only said two words before changing his mind.
“There hasn’t been anyone sleeping in the room next to mine, and I don’t go in often, so there must be dust.
You sleep in my room at night; just change the bed sheets.

 

“Ah… oh.”

 

Tang Cuo glanced at the room.

 

guest room…

 

It was just a title, but it made him feel lost.

 

But he hadn’t been in that room for a few nights; he and Tang Xu had always slept together.

 

Tang Cuo sat on the bed after drying his hair.
Tang Xu entered and switched off the light for him.
He seemed to have only a pair of eyes left in the dark night after the lights went out, greedily looking at Tang Xu, who was still standing at the door and hadn’t walked away.

 

“Sleep well; I will call you tomorrow.”

 

“Mm.”

 

This “hmm” has a nasal sound; it was cute.

 

For some reason, Tang Xu had the illusion that they were still in the past.
Perhaps he walked in by mistake because of the illusion.

 

Tang Cuo opened his eyes slightly, and his palms began to sweat again.

 

Tang Xu squatted at the foot of the bed, and the dim light streaming in through the door allowed him to make out Tang Cuo’s face.

 

He sighed quietly.
Even if Tang Cuo didn’t say anything, how could he not see what he was thinking?

 

Tang Xu organised his words and spoke slowly, “Si Hang, I didn’t send you away because I was angry with you.
I actually kept contacting you with suitable families after I took you.
You know, I don’t have the conditions to adopt a child.
Your current parents have contacted me several times, but I have yet to make a decision… I made the decision because I didn’t believe I could provide you with the care and guidance you required.
You need a normal family to grow up.
Do you get what I’m saying?”

 

Tang Cuo didn’t expect Tang Xu to tell him this all of a sudden, but he still reacted quickly and nodded in a panic.

 

He is aware.
This sentence, however, did not make a sound; it simply flowed in his heart thousands of times.

 

The two of them didn’t say anything else.
After a while, Tang Xu asked, “Is there anything you want to ask me?”

 

Tang Cuo shook his head.

 

Tang Xu smiled and touched his ear, saying, “Also, I went to see you, but I didn’t let you know.”

 

Tang Cuo clenched the thin quilt around his body as soon as he heard this.
He was taken aback, but he didn’t dare look at Tang Xu.

 

“I was relieved to see that you were well cared for and that your adoptive parents treat you well.”

 

Tang Xu visited him.

 

He guessed it was only the first few days, but he still went to see him.

 

Tang Cuo had obviously never felt wronged before, but after learning that he had visited him, he felt wronged.

 

But Tang Xu had already walked out, as if he had said good night to him before closing the door, but his head had been buzzing and he couldn’t hear it clearly.
He wasn’t sure if it was a good night.

 

After Tang Cuo was left alone on Tang Xu’s bed, he couldn’t control what was in his eyes, and accidentally, a few drops escaped and slid down his face.
He felt so silly that he hugged Tang Xu’s pillow and cried.
He closed his eyes and reached out to wipe the cold tears away.
He buried his face in Tang Xu’s soft pillow.

 

Tang Cuo originally thought that he would not sleep all night, but in a daze, he fell asleep and slept soundly.

 

His last thought before going to bed was whether he would be able to see Tang Xu when he opened his eyes the next morning.