How To End a Crush

“What are you doing over there?”

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GASP!

Upon hearing the all too familiar voice, I stumbled and fell flat on my butt.

“N-Noah?”

Noah reached his hand down to help me up.

I took his hand and quickly got back onto my feet.

“Wh-What brings you here…?”

Please just say you were out for an evening walk.

I was nervous and hesitated for a moment, but then Noah opened his mouth.

“Didn’t you ask me to come here in your letter?”

No way… You’ve got to be kidding me – he actually read my letter.

I felt all the color disappear from my face.
I remembered that I erased the heart shape at the last minute out of anxiety, but now I wished that I had just left it as it was.
Perhaps he might not have shown up had I just kept it there.

“… Sorry about that mess I made at your locker.”

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“That’s alright.
Don’t worry about it,” Noah said with a calm tone.
His long eyelashes fluttered as he asked me a question in his smooth voice.
“So, what is it that you wanted to tell me?”

I raised my head slowly upon hearing his words.

Oh no, I’m doomed.

I didn’t think he’d actually show up, so I was just meaninglessly killing time.
I didn’t give any serious thought to what I was going to say to him at all.

“Uhm…”

My mouth opened and then subsequently closed it several times without actually uttering any words.
I was completely speechless under the gaze of his alluring golden eyes.
The moonlight reflected off of his glasses.

Damn… He’s even more beautiful now that I haven’t seen him in a while.

Noah was looking me directly in the eyes as I searched for the words I wanted to say.
The pressure was sending a cold sweat running down my back.

“Well, you see…”

I looked up at Noah with trembling eyes.

The moonlight shimmered on his silvery hair.
As if entranced by the majestically sparkling light reflecting off of his gorgeous hair, I involuntarily opened my mouth.

“I… Uh… I really like you, Noah.”

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I heard my own words pathetically trickle out of my mouth in a shaky voice.
They sounded like the words of an 80-something-year-old granny struggling to speak in a wispy voice.

Noah was completely silent.

I could feel the very tension in the air suffocating me.

So, this is how I die.

This was the first time I’ve ever confessed my feelings to anyone and look at how I ended up handling it.

I bit down on my lip and immediately lowered my head.
My mind was buzzing with thousands of different thoughts all at the same time, all of them negative.

I wonder what Noah’s face looks like right now.
It’s probably the unmistakable look of outright disapproval.
That’d be the worst.
I don’t dare look up at him.

“Ah… Thanks.”

I heard Noah say after what felt like a long while of silence.
His voice sounded a little bit shaken which wasn’t typical of him.

The cloud that had been covering the moon for a few minutes finally moved on which allowed the moonlight to shine back down again.
In that moment, Noah tilted his head down toward the floor, obscuring half of his face.
It also appeared that his ears had turned bright red.

I guess it’s no surprise.
An underclassman just confessed her love to him, so of course, he would feel embarrassed.

Several seconds passed in silence like that.
I could even hear the sounds of us breathing and swallowing.
I believe too, that he was even biting his lip.
I wasn’t so stupid as to not understand what that meant.

I remained still, squeezing my hands into fists.
I dug my fingernails into the skin of my palms.
Ten more seconds passed by, but it might as well have been an eternity.

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What’s done is done.
Had I given up and skipped out, I probably would have been very upset with myself.

It was as if the world had just stopped spinning and time itself had frozen in that single frame.
In-between the silence, the only noise that entered my ears was the sound of the branches rustling in the nighttime breeze outside.

The seconds ticked by, until eventually, I couldn’t stand the silence any longer.

This is so awkward I could die.
I need to say something, anything.

I slowly opened my mouth to speak.

“Actually, I have more to say.”

“… Yes?”

His response was a bit delayed.
His golden eyes glistened in the moonlight as he looked down toward the floor.

Oh no… I don’t know what to say.

I squeezed my fists tighter.

“I’m going to drop out of the club!” I shouted.

There was a moment’s pause.

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“Why?”

He shot back at me with a blatant look of suspicion on his face.

Me wanting to withdraw from the club appeared to have really surprised him.

Had I never read that book and not known the future already, I might have misunderstood his reaction.

“Yeah, I imagine Flora will be pretty upset, right?”

Okay Kate, don’t misunderstand it.
You’re ugly.

I tightly grasped the skirt of my school uniform.

“…”

Noah, as if searching for the right words to say, opened and closed his mouth several times until he finally spoke.

“Well, regardless of Flora, personally…”

His golden eyes were quickly trembling.
He looked at me, opened his mouth, and spoke in a low voice.

“… I wouldn’t want to see you leave the club.”