If I Can’t Be Your Wife

Her mind was mixed with relief from learning that Joseph was alive, and the confusion from finding out Alexis’ past.

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In addition, Luci, her most precious person in the world, may have been affected by that past.
Her chest was clogged with emotions that she couldn’t put into words.

 

How much had Peter suffered from carrying these burdens alone until she was finally able to bring them up? Kathleen contemplated and calmly said.

 

“Then, has he been completely detoxified?”

“I don’t know.
My brother didn’t say anything about it.
Whether there was improvement in the treatment or to what extent the poison has progressed.
Perhaps it was only natural to hide it, so I don’t know…”

 

Peter lowered her head mournfully, recalling that it was her mother and no one else who had fed him poison.

 

Her head was blank and she had no idea what to say.

 

She had never heard of the southern scorpion venom and how to detoxify it.
It was only natural since she was born and raised in the north and only lived in the capital city of Meyer until recently.
It was poison from an unfamiliar animal that she would never have heard of if she had no relation to anything in the South.

 

What should I do if the poison from the time Luci was conceived is still flowing through his veins?

No.
If he had completely cured the poison after returning from the battlefield, it might not have been passed on to Luci.

 

Her hands began to tremble.

 

“Kathleen, first, I will send someone back to the Northern Temple and Carmine to try to make contact.
But as much as Joseph is hiding his identity, I also cannot reveal mine.
So I need a token from you to prove that you are looking for him.”

“A token.”

“It just needs to convey Kathleen’s intention to leave this place and go there.”

 

As soon as Peter finished speaking, her heart pounded.
At the same time, footsteps coming from the direction where Alexis was, drew closer.
She quickly took off her hat and pulled the lace off, pretending to look at it.
It was embroidered with light sky blue petals on a scarlet silk ribbon.

 

She whispered as she slid the lace into Peter’s hand under the table.

 

“Tell him it’s Kelly’s.”

“All right.”

 

Peter noticed Alexis approaching too and whispered, quickly hiding the lace in her hand.

 

“If you ever change your mind, please let me know.”

 

Before she could say anything, Alexis gently grabbed Kathleen’s elbow and lifted her up.

 

“What kind of things are you talking about so affectionately?”

 

Golden eyes as sharp as a sword scanned the corners of his half-brother’s red eyes.

 

“To the point of shedding tears.”

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“I heard about Luci.”

 

Peter smiled sadly and got up from his seat.
The hat’s strap had already been hidden under the hem of his sleeves.

 

“Have you finished your conversation?”

“He’s over there.”

 

Alexis answered dryly with his gaze tenaciously following Kathleen’s face.
She looked away as if nothing had happened.

 

Peter sighed and spoke softly, taking control of the conversation.

 

“It looks like I won’t be able to stay for today’s charity meeting until the end.
Since there are no attendees, this is not the painting that Count Schenberg would want*.
I just wanted to let you know that things in the South were successfully settled.”

“Did you decide to make him your lieutenant?”

“I didn’t recommend it, but he himself asked for it.
It’s not bad, so I’ll take him in.”

[*T/N: Count Schenberg is infamous for being a ladies’ man so I guess not a lot of women attended?]

 

At Peter’s words, Alexis caught Kathleen’s hand and interlocked fingers.

 

“I heard that the service will start soon.
Since we’re here, we should go now if we’re going to attend.”

“……..Yes.
Let’s go.”

 

Fortunately, she was able to speak with the same tone as usual.
Kathleen left the garden with her hand held in his.

 

“Did you know Peter was coming?”

 

Alexis asked as they walked down the hall of the Temple as they were guided by an apprentice priest.

 

His gaze was directed straight ahead.
Kathleen answered, also looking forward.

 

“I didn’t know.
Wasn’t it the Duke who asked to go to this charity gathering first?”

“I did.”

 

Silence flowed along the long corridor that stretched like parallel lines.
A faint ceremonial bell could be heard in the distance.

 

Should I ask him?

 

Kathleen considered, during the brief moment they entered the chapel.

 

She would say that she knows about the scorpion venom.
She wanted to ask if he had ever received any treatment, and if so, to what extent was the detoxification done?

 

Then it suddenly crossed her mind.
Did he refuse to have an heir of his own blood because of the poison flowing through his veins?

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Although she had finally heard the long-awaited news about Joseph, her joy faded away in an instant.
An indistinguishable concern for someone filled her mind like smoke.

 

As they returned from the temple and got off the carriage, Alexis behaved the same way.
He reached out his hand first and lowered her as if he was carrying her.
The gold eyes that came close were not warm, but they were not as stone-cold as before.

 

It was confusing.

 

“Is there anything you want to say to me?”

 

He asked.
Kathleen asked back a beat later, as if she had just woken up from a dream.

 

“What?”

“You’ve only been staring at me since a while ago.
Were you not?”

“Ah.”

 

His arm was still wrapped around her waist.
Kathleen quickly pushed his chest away and escaped.

 

“There is something I want to ask permission for.”

“What is it?”

“Can I enter the library?”

“There is no place in the Duke’s mansion you cannot go.”

 

The reply came back quickly.

 

“I told you.
You’re not a prisoner of war.”

“…..”

“But I am curious.
What book do you want to read?”

“Educational books about children.”

 

Without even thinking of an excuse, her words came out first.

 

“Did the doctor say anything else?”

“No.
I just want to learn more.
It’s me, not the doctor, who has to protect my child.”

“I see.
Do that then.”

 

He said to Alsdorf who had come to greet them.

 

“Hand over the library key and the book catalog to my wife.”

“Yes, my lord.”

 

Then he entered the main building first.
Kathleen’s eyes followed his back.

 

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“Madame?”

 

Alsdorf, who was about to lead her to the library, called her with a puzzled expression.

 

“Ah, Alsdorf, I’m going to take a quick look at the library but, I’ll wait for the keys and the list to the bedroom.
Can you bring it yourself?”

“Yes, I will.”

 

Kathleen handed her hat to Emily and forcibly turned away.

 

***

 

“We’ve confirmed that the inspection team sent by His Highness is currently staying in the North.”

 

Viscount Rylent said as he handed him the report of their movement.

 

“I think he’s looking at the whole northern border, including the Winston territory.”

“It’s not strange.
Northern control has been transferred to the imperial family.”

“But it depends on why they sent the inspection team unofficially.”

“It must be because the situation in the north is not the only thing he wants to look at.”

 

Alexis skimmed through the report and pointed at something.

 

“The inspectors visited the northern temple.”

 

It was not uncommon to stay in the temple if there was no suitable accommodation.
However, Alexis believed that Peter had another reason to move in secret.

 

That was what his intuition was telling him.

 

On the battlefield, there were times when the judgments made from pure intuition were surprisingly better than rational inferences based on evidence.
Alexis didn’t think that now was any different.

 

“Among the Second Regiment of Knights, organize a platoon of elite soldiers and send them out.
Have them follow the Crown Prince’s inspection team.”

“I understand.”

“Make sure that they completely disguise themselves so they’re not found out, but report in detail who they’re looking for and what they’re trying to do.”

“Yes.
The platoon formation is almost complete.
We will be ready to leave tomorrow morning.”

 

Viscount Rylent bowed and left the office.
Alexis tossed the report on the desk.
Although he ordered an investigation, it was not difficult to guess what Peter’s purpose was.

 

‘The priest.’

 

His body had not yet been found.
If Peter was moving that way, he must have caught a trace.
Alexis intended to stop Peter before he could find him and return him in front of Kathleen.

 

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It had to be him who would bring the man to Kathleen and no one else.
Kathleen Walten is his wife.
Although it would be in a different way as the man desired, he wouldn’t be able to get close as much as he wanted to.

 

Within sight but still thoroughly keeping the distance he allowed.

 

Hearing that Peter was on the move in search of Delafos’ servant, he felt very dirty.
He decided to go for a walk because he thought he would break something if he stayed indoors.

 

It was night and the moon was shining through the window.
He left the main building and started walking through the garden.

 

If it was like before, he would have gone to the hunting grounds after finishing all his work, but now, he didn’t want to.
He had no intention of leaving the house unless it was absolutely necessary.

 

After walking around the garden where insects croaked, he looked up involuntarily.
The window on the third floor of the main building was open and a white organza curtain fluttered through the opening.
The hem of the cloth soaked in the moonlight glistened silver like her hair.

 

Caught up in the thought of wanting to see her silver hair in the moonlight even for just a moment, Alexis smiled and turned around.
He went inside and climbed up the stairs.

 

Even though it had been several years since he gave it up, Alexis was conflicted as he faced the unfamiliar bedroom he had not walked into for a while.
He felt a rush of regret and thought that if he had known it would be so difficult to push open this door, he would have tried sooner.

 

After a while of deliberation, he silently turned the doorknob and entered the bedroom.

 

He quietly approached the bed and could see her disheveled silver hair shining brightly in the moonlight.
However, she wasn’t the only one.

 

Even in the crib, a tiny creature with shiny silver hair was asleep, wriggling.

 

Alexis stood still, looking at the scene with his back to the moonlight.
He liked it because it was more beautiful than he had hoped for.

 

He impulsively leaned over and muttered, pressing a handful of Kathleen’s silver hair to his lips then releasing them.

 

“What can I do to keep you by my side?”

 

I don’t know what to do so that I can keep you by my side.
I can only think of taking your natural ability away; catching the man you said supported you and tying him up within my sight.

 

That way, you won’t think of running away even if you find out that my body is poisoned garbage.

 

“I wish the child you gave birth to was mine.”

 

If it were so, even if I wanted to keep you, it can be justified.

 

He swallowed his sinful confession, pressed his lips to the hair that slid in his hand again, and turned around.

 

The door closed, and as the sound of footsteps faded away, the neatly gathered silver eyelashes twitched and trembled, and revealed pale blue eyes.

 

Kathleen stared at the closed door for a long time.