My Beloved Oppressor

In the quiet, the only sound was the clattering of spoons on the simple table.
Annette crumbled the crusty bread into small pieces and added it to the soup.

 

The food at the Commander in chief’s barracks was not as fine as she had thought.
It was of a slightly better standard than the food served by soldiers in a situation like now, when supply routes were smooth.

 

‘Well, even when we were dating, he ate everything so well.’

 

Unlike her, who was quite picky, Heiner had no likes or dislikes about all food.
He seemed to be a man who was content as long as he could fill his stomach.

 

Annette looked at the food with melancholy eyes.
She had become quite accustomed to the low quality food after serving in the army, but she was also at a loss as to how much longer she would have to eat only this kind of food.

 

But that didn’t mean she could complain about the food.
She stirred the soup with a spoon and soaked the bread.

 

When Heiner saw this, he frowned weakly and said.

 

“You still haven’t broken that sneaking habit of yours, have you?”

 

“…I didn’t have that habit.”

 

“You did.”

 

“When?”

 

“Whenever you feel bad or the food isn’t good.”

 

“All normal people are like that.”

 

“I am not.”

 

“Originally, Your Excellency is good at eating things that aren’t tasty without saying anything.”

 

“Your taste is too sensitive.

 

“Your Excellency is too insensitive.”

 

Heiner raised one eyebrow.
Annette avoided his gaze and looked down only at her plate.
He sighed.

 

“Let’s say it is.”

 

“But that doesn’t mean Your Excellency is really that obtuse.”

 

“I’m not the sensitive type, but I’m not the insensitive type either.”

 

“… I have to point it out, don’t you remember how you ate well even though the food tasted bad?”

 

Heiner looked back at his memory.
Annette once asked during a meal,’Don’t you think the ingredients of this food went bad?’

 

But it was too long ago.

 

“Not only that, but you often ate food that looked so bad that I just had to put up with it too.”

 

 “Then why didn’t you tell me then that the food wasn’t very good?”

 

“I did say it.”

 

“At first, yes.
It wasn’t until a little later that I began to figure out your habits when the food was not good.
I don’t think I’ve ever heard you complain about food after that.”

 

“I didn’t want to be seen as a picky woman.”

 

“…”

 

Heiner was momentarily stunned by Annette’s matter-of-fact reply.

 

Annette continued eating as if what she said was no big deal in the slightest.
Heiner stared at her with hardened eyes.

 

For some reason, he felt his throat tighten.

 

Annette in the past—she had always been an honest woman.
Unafraid to speak her mind about her feelings and frank in her affections.
Come to think of it, she was the one who confessed her feelings to him first.

 

Every time she did so, Heiner lost his balance and panicked.
This was the kind of thing he could never get used to, no matter how much he experienced it.
Now was such a moment.

 

“…What do you mean?”

 

“Huh? Literally that.”

 

“So what ‘that’ means?”

 

Heiner asked like a child who dared to ask for confirmation of a fact he already knew.
Annette tilted her head slightly and answered.

 

“It was when we were dating.
Isn’t it natural that you want to look good to your lover?”

 

He couldn’t make any reply when he was being asked.
He mechanically scooped the spoon, but he couldn’t taste much.

 

In the past, Annette had always been an object of fascination for him.

 

He had to look good, he had to be loving.
He was always worried that going against her mood would end their relationship.

 

In his mind, Annette was the one person who could wield him with a single gesture.

Therefore, he never once thought that she felt the same way he did.

 

Of course, he never thought her feelings were sincere.
At most, it must have been something like humility and appearance, something you do in public.

 

 

Even as he thought this, Heiner could not hide the expression on his face, which he tried repeatedly to break.

 

Annette still hadn’t been able to eat her food.mLooking at her bowl, which was more than half full, Heiner asked.

 

“…… So, is the food not good?”

 

 “The food is fine.”

 

“Then I guess it must be the mood.”

 

Heiner asked, wiping his mouth with a handkerchief.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Then what is it for?”

 

“…Just because I don’t have anything to do.
I don’t have to use my strength, I don’t have to eat a lot.”

 

Annette replied dryly.

 

As she said, she looked very bored.
Heiner recalled the things to do in the barracks.

 

“Are you bored?”

 

“Never mind, it’s not like that.”

 

Again there was silence.
Their conversation here was generally like this.
It was like they had just pulled out of a moment when they had fallen in love in the past, only to have an argument and subsequent cold war.
Heiner recalled the past Annette, who was always eating very eagerly.

 

It was something he didn’t understand why she was so eager to share a meal with him, even though she must not have been particularly comfortable with him.

 

“Before I move, there’s one person I’d like to meet.
May I?” (A)

 

“…… Who is it? A soldier?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What for?”

 

“I think I should say something before I leave.”

 

“What?”

 

“You mean leave ……?”

 

“Not allowed.”

 

He said once and for all.
Annette quickly opened her mouth in bewilderment.

 

 “I have to wait for the transport truck anyway.
Before that, if I have a minute…” (A)

 

“I said no.”

 

 

“Then let me pass on the letter.”

 

“Are you aware of where you are staying right now? What are you going to say?”

 

“The content of the letter can be censored, right? If I reduce it to three or four sentences…”

 

“Is it that sergeant?”

 

Heiner asked, gently setting down his spoon.
In no time at all, the atmosphere at the table turned cold.

 

“…Does it matter who he is?” (A)

 

 “Are you planning to get married when the war is over?”

 

“What?”

 

Her voice rose involuntarily as she was stunned.
Annette denied it, shaking her head.

 

“What are you talking about? We just got to know each other a little when we were at the front.”

 

“Does the sergeant think so too?”

 

Unable to say anything, Annette’s lips twitched.
She seemed to have lost her words.

 

She had guessed that Ryan had feelings for her.
She knew, but she had deliberately pretended not to know, and lived in ignorance.

 

Ryan was almost the only person in the barracks who she could talk to.
Even if it was selfish, what could she do?… she couldn’t bear to ghost him.

 

Heiner let out a gasp at Annette’s silence.

 

“You’re not so stupid that you don’t know that.”

 

“….”

 

“Do you want to start anew with a soldier who has lived his life only on the battlefield and knows nothing?”

 

“I’ve never thought about that.”

 

“If you have never thought of that, then you are even more foolish.”

 

“What on earth are you trying to say?”

 

“When the war is over, you will have to go back into the world.
Where are you going? The Grott family? You don’t intend to spend the rest of your life there either, so if you were to become independent.
You’ve never lived alone, and besides, it would be unspeakably difficult for you, an alone woman in Padania, and a known face at that, to live alone!”

 

Heiner continued to speak with a slanted, sharp look on his face.

 

“The most ideal way is to remarry.
You are still young and beautiful.
There are enough screw-ups in the world.”

 

“So what?”

 

Annette looked directly at him with cold eyes.

 

“What does my remarriage have to do with you, Your Excellency? You said it yourself.
From now on, you will not interfere with my life.”

 

“…”

 

“Keep your word, my lord.”

 

She felt tired at the direction the conversation was going.
Annette stood up, leaving her half leftovers.

 

She could feel his silent gaze following her face.
Annette ignored him, turned and walked toward the entrance.

 

She heard a somber reply from behind her.

 

”Well…yes.”

 

***

 

After a not-so-good meal, Annette did not see him for a while.

 

Recently, the atmosphere in the Commander-in-Chief’s barracks had been unusual.
For security reasons, it seemed that the meeting place had been moved to another location instead of the barracks.

 

She could guess that something had happened.
Annette spent the rest of the day feeling uneasy because she had no way of knowing what it was.

 

She wanted to go to church and pray, but she was in a situation where she could not move on her own.
In the end, Annette spent all day in her room reading the Bible and praying to calm her anxiety.

 

A few days later, Heiner visited her room quite late in the evening.

 

“May I come in?”

 

“Yes, it’s fine.”

 

Annette replied as she sat on her bed, removing stitches from her clothes with a pair of scissors.
The door opened with a squeak.
Heiner stepped into the room and spoke, his eyes focused on her.

 

“Sorry it’s so late ….”

 

Immediately next, his body stiffened.
At the same time, the book and the briefcase he was holding fell to the floor.

 

Annette was puzzled, unable to grasp the situation.
Heiner strode towards her and snatched her by the wrist, which was holding a pair of scissors.
(*he thought she was trying to kill herself, again…)