Shen Yanming didn’t think for a moment that copying a charity song’s lyrics to He Changkong would bring any sort of impact to the other person.
The lyrics were touching, and he had felt slightly embarrassed while delivering the letter.
After sending it, he didn’t dwell on the matter.
He returned to his room and lay on his bed, scrolling through Weibo.
He even created a small account to praise the official account’s comments and liked some of the hot remarks.
In response to some troublesome TR fans who came to provoke them, he simply replied with “Whatever.”

After playing on his phone for a while, the words on the screen started to blur.

In a daze, it seemed like he was back at the dining table.
But this time, Sunday wasn’t there, and the surroundings were silent, without anyone else.
He and He Changkong sat face to face, a glass of cola placed between them.
Shen Yanming took a sip first, and He Changkong immediately leaned in.

Shen Yanming thought, why didn’t Kong ge wait for him to finish if he also wanted a drink? But before he could even put the cola down, He Changkong’s hand reached around and cradled the back of his head.

He Changkong drew closer, his target not the straw, but his lips.

He lightly grazed Shen Yanming’s lower lip with his own.

Soon, the cola was knocked over, spilling all over the table.
Shen Yanming raised his hands in surrender, and He Changkong’s right hand came over, interlocking their fingers.
He Changkong’s whole body pressed against him, and the cola dripped off the edge of the table, creating a soft dripping sound.
As He Changkong kissed him, there was a soft sound of water mingling with lips and tongues.

Shen Yanming woke up abruptly.

There was indeed a soft dripping sound, but it wasn’t the nonexistent cola dripping down.
It was the sound of rain outside the window.
The autumn rain was pattering down.
He had forgotten to close the window before sleeping, and the sound of the rain woke him up.

If it hadn’t been for the rain, it seemed like the He Changkong in his dream was about to…

Shen Yanming was still a bit dazed.
He subconsciously raised his hand to touch his lower lip.


Once his awareness fully returned, he couldn’t help but curse out loud, “What the hell was that dream!!!”

He furrowed his brows and knocked his own head, begrudgingly getting up from the bed.

Shower, change his dirty underwear!

His thoughts were in disarray.
In the dead of night, he entered the bathroom, intending to take a cold shower to wake himself up.
However, with the weather turning chilly and intense matches coming up, he didn’t dare to play around with his body.
The last thing he needed was to catch a severe cold.

So, amidst the steam of the hot water and his accumulated fatigue, he found himself back in that dream again, the dream he had just had.
It was damn weird – he had been solo for so many years, never even knowing what kissing felt like.
How could he dream about it so vividly?

But soon, Shen Yanming didn’t dare to replay that dream in his mind, he realized that as he thought about He Changkong’s face, his little brother below would rise again.

What the hell!!!

Shen Yanming stormed out of the bathroom, opened the music player on his phone, and started playing “Great Compassion Mantra” to calm himself.


After this turmoil, he didn’t know what time he finally fell asleep, which resulted in him oversleeping the next day.

Normally, Shen Yanming would wake up as soon as he heard the alarm, sometimes even before it went off.
Then he would brush his teeth, wash his face, play with his phone, and wait for He Changkong to come over after finishing his workout.

Today, when He Changkong came to knock on the door, Shen Yanming was still asleep.

They had agreed beforehand that if He Changkong needed to wake him up in the morning, he could knock on the door, and if there was no response, he could just come in directly.
He Changkong knocked several times but received no answer, so he simply turned the doorknob and walked in.

Even outside the door, he could faintly hear some sound from inside the room.
Upon entering, he heard it clearly; the background music that was playing was the “Great Compassion Mantra”.

Shen Yanming was still sleeping on the bed, curled up under the blanket like a silkworm pupa.
Only a tiny part of his face was exposed, and his hair was a mess from sleep.

He Changkong poked Shen Yanming’s cheek.
“Xiao Luan, wake up.”

Shen Yanming opened his eyes drowsily, squinting at the visitor.
As he recognized who it was, he scooted back a bit and a blush quickly spread across his face.

He Changkong was puzzled.
“Why’s your face so red? Are you sick?”

As he said this, he tried to reach out and check Shen Yanming’s forehead temperature.


Shen Yanming reacted strongly.
“Don’t come over!”

He Changkong froze for a moment.
His hand was left hanging in the air, neither retreating nor advancing.
He felt a bit awkward.

After Shen Yanming finished shouting, he also felt that his behavior was somewhat impolite.
He scratched his uncombed hair and said, “It’s not that.
I had a nightmare… I woke up and saw you, and I couldn’t process it for a moment.”

He Changkong accepted his explanation, which somehow made sense.
Sleeping with Buddhist chants as background music seemed reasonable now.

Who would have thought Shen Yanming was afraid of ghosts? He Changkong leaned in a bit more, reached out, and ruffled Shen Yanming’s hair.
“No need to be scared, they’re all fake.”

Shen Yanming made a vague “Mmm” in response, feeling his face getting even hotter.

Throughout the day, Shen Yanming was somewhat absentminded.
He managed during practice, but as soon as he stepped out of the game, his attention kept wandering elsewhere.

Blame it on the dizziness and the mistaken glass of cola from yesterday.
If he hadn’t mistakenly picked up that glass, he might not have had that dream.

Blame it on the rain too.
If it hadn’t woken him up, he probably wouldn’t have known he had that dream.

But maybe he shouldn’t blame all these trivial things, he should probably blame himself the most.

Shen Yanming really wanted to talk to someone.
Pudding said he was going to see a doctor but hadn’t left yet.
Today, he was still wandering around the training room, giving pointers and advice.
There were several times Shen Yanming had considered stopping Pudding, finding a secluded corner, and pouring his heart out.
However, whenever he was about to speak, the words got stuck.

Can straight people have gay dreams?

Can someone who’s straight and has gay dreams without feeling disgusted still be considered straight?

Actually, there was no need to ask.
The answer was clear: no, they couldn’t.

After finishing a round, Shen Yanming was in a dazed state, his soul seemingly detached.
It was only when the next round began that he would return to himself, only to drift away again after the match ended, caught in a repetitive cycle.


He Changkong, who had been queuing with him, couldn’t hold back any longer and asked, “What’s wrong with you today?”

Shen Yanming couldn’t meet He Changkong’s eyes, his eyes flickering.
“It’s nothing… just, I had a really horrifying dream.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie.

It was indeed terrifying.
Adding up two lifetimes, for twenty-four years, he had never dreamt of kissing a man, especially not like that.

It was an unbearable burden on his soul.

He Changkong frowned.
He couldn’t imagine what kind of dream would leave such a big psychological shadow on a boy who was usually cheerful and carefree.
So, he asked directly.

With a pained expression, Shen Yanming thought, ‘Ge, don’t ask, please don’t.’ But he still answered him, “I dreamt of a monster that swallows people.”

A gay-transforming monster, to be precise.

Of course, he knew this sounded nauseating.
Dreaming of a monster? What, acting like a three-year-old kid?

He Changkong: “…”

He Changkong had a gut feeling that this wasn’t the truth.
But seeing that Shen Yanming didn’t want to discuss it further, he didn’t press.
Instead, he suggested, “If you feel uncomfortable, try doing something else to relax.”

Shen Yanming nodded vigorously.

In the evening, he heard that Auntie had prepared some crayfish.
However, the whole gang collectively avoided going to the cafeteria for late-night snacks, as they were planning something, and it wouldn’t be wise for others to know.
They had kept this matter quiet throughout the day when coaches and managers occasionally visited the training room.
After practice, they returned to their small dormitory building and ordered takeout.
Gathering around the table, they sat in their respective spots with Meng Yan at the center.

Truth be told, Shen Yanming wasn’t too keen on sitting at this table.

He felt like this table had turned into a shadow.

Because in the dream, He Changkong had later lifted him onto this table and continued kissing him.

Damn it.

Any other dream would have faded from memory soon after waking up, so why was this particular dream so vivid?

However, Shen Yanming didn’t have the luxury to ponder further, as Meng Yan had just pulled out his phone – as if unveiling some rare treasure.
He opened the dating app interface and announced with a serious expression, “We’ve made some progress.
Come take a look.”

On the screen was a chat history between him and another man.

Meng Yan added, “Damn it, I flirted with him until midnight yesterday.
I almost made myself sick.”

With a general area, thanks to Pudding’s cousin’s gossip leads, they had managed to find Moonlight’s account on this app relatively smoothly last night.
They had also deduced his preference based on Zhuo Minxing, which led to Pudding’s cousin’s brave sacrifice, where he provided some low-key, artsy photos without revealing his face.

Then He Changkong bestowed him with a more appealing username.

Finally, Meng Yan launched some subtle attacks, saying things like how he was a college student at a particular university in Haicheng, feeling a bit lonely, not having anyone to play games with, asking if the guy could play with him, using cute whining and all that.

Meng Yan continued, “And you won’t believe how eager this guy was.
I acted all innocent and flirted with him all night, and he started getting into the dirty stuff toward the end.”

Pudding made a gagging gesture, then commented, “It’s really an eyesore.
How did you even manage to keep talking to him?”

Meng Yan looked utterly dejected, “Didn’t you all refuse to do this job? This dirty, tiring work could only be done by me! If it weren’t for the sake of rescuing an innocent woman who fell for his deceit, I wouldn’t be pretending to be gay here, and definitely not pretending to be a ‘zero’.”

Shen Yanming asked, “But isn’t just chatting not convincing enough? If you post the conversation, fans might just say it’s fake, and they probably won’t admit that the person you chatted with is Moonlight.”

Meng Yan nodded in agreement, “Yeah, so I need to keep chatting with him for a while longer.
Once he relaxes his guard, I’ll arrange to meet him, and then we can secretly record a video…”

Shen Yanming gave him a thumbs up.

Meng Yan also raised his thumb, boasting, “Please call me the Ultimate Fisherman Detective Nightmare.”

Pudding chimed in, “The Most Beautiful Zero Actor.”

Meng Yan stood up, as if about to start a fight with Pudding.

As the takeout arrived, the discussion about the progress they had achieved and Meng Yan’s plan concluded.
The group focused on eating, occasionally discussing game-related matters.
Once they finished, they all returned to their respective rooms.

Shen Yanming also downloaded the app.
In its essence, the app was a platform for same-sex socializing.
Some were there to find potential dates, while others were just ordinary gays looking to make friends and chat.
The social section even had some regular discussions about emotional matters.

After much hesitation, Shen Yanming carefully registered an account and posted a message.

【Anonymous Post】Feeling Confused About My Sexual Orientation, Seeking Advice.

[Confused Little Bird]: Hi there, everyone.
I’m a straight guy.

In order to prevent the first post from being too long and getting blocked, he kept his greeting simple.
However, as soon as he posted, the responses poured in immediately.

– Wait, you’re a straight guy, why are you here?

– I like straight guys the most, wow! (⊙v⊙)

– Are you a 0 or a 1?

– Hey, OP, where are you? Did you run away after posting?

Shen Yanming edited and edited, finally posting the second paragraph.
Of course, to protect his privacy, he used a pseudonym and provided only a general overview.

[Confused Little Bird]: I’ve always identified as a straight guy.
But I have this senior I greatly admire, and he’s seriously amazing.
He’s handsome, smart, excels in studies, and is great at everything he does.
Basically, the whole school respects him, and I guess I’m just another one of his admirers, appreciating and looking up to him.
Eventually, I got to know him, and we became friends.
I realized he’s not only good in academics, but he also cares a lot about me, his junior.
He supports me, speaks up for me, and even helps me secure… well, competition spots and scholarships? And during moments when I’m emotionally unstable, he’s there to comfort me even without me saying anything.

[Confused Little Bird]: But these aren’t even the main issues.
In the past, I simply thought we were good brothers, which seemed normal.
The problem lies with me.
One day, we ended up sleeping together.
When I woke up, we were cuddling.
After that day, I felt awkward around him.
But at the time, I didn’t think too much of it.
It’s just that I had a dream last night where I kissed him, and then… well, you know, as men, you can guess what happened next.
I can’t believe I’m saying this.
Today, whenever I’m with him, I can’t look at him! I just keep thinking about him kissing me in my dream! I’m seriously losing it.
I’m a straight guy, for heaven’s sake.
Ugh, I feel so embarrassed and suffocated even as I write this, like I’m excavating a whole castle of awkwardness.
Brothers, please help me!

– Get out of here with your lovey-dovey crap.

– Do you like him? Don’t you have a clue???

– Is that senior of yours also into guys? Is he like this with others too?

– Oh, such a pure little baby.
Forget about your senior, how about being with me, hehe.

– …

There were a few replies that were genuinely trying to help him analyze his situation, but he hadn’t had a chance to read them thoroughly when he received a message from He Changkong.
He switched the page, leaving the gay forum, and opened He Changkong’s message.

[kong_]: If you’re afraid of having nightmares at night, you can keep the lights on.

[kong_]: There’s really nothing to be scared of.
If you’re really scared, you can come over to my place.

Shen Yanming: “qoq…”

Thank you for reading! 

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